Using a Voice Recorder to Plan a Story

One of the greatest challenges that I face as a first-time novelist who is more familiar with the short story form is that it is difficult to break down the plot into each individual moving part. From the get-go I mapped out the novel and broke it down to a chapter-level, and was confident that I would then be able to easily write the story and make the scenes fit the chapters as I went. I was wrong.

What I didn't take into account was the fact that my plot ideas were constantly changing as time went on and as I began to explore each individual character and scene. The outline for my novel that exists in my head is now barely similar at all to what I originally wrote down.

With so much having changed, it can be very difficult to be able to see what should happen next. Imagine being in the middle of a American city with a river running through it, but only one half of the bridge is there, the other half of the city is in Europe, and there's a really low-hanging thick fog everywhere. Now try to cross into Europe from America.

One tool that has recently become very useful for crossing this impossible bridge is a voice recorder. I had purchased a very inexpensive one while in college to aid with my brief attempt at being a journalist for the school paper (which, it turned out, I was terrible at), and had then attempted to re-purpose the device for recording meetings during my internship. Since it seems that formal meetings are very scarce at my new place of employment, I frequently enjoy taking solo walks down a trail that runs right by my office, and I'd seen voice recorders occasionally used in the movies for a character to dictate their thoughts for reference later, I decided to try recording my thoughts regarding my stories as I walked.

Recording myself talking into a little electronic device has greatly helped me to plan and understand my stories. Talking while I walk keeps my mind focused on the topic at hand more than just trying to think about that topic and I can go back and listen to any ideas including how exactly I arrived to them. Rather than just recording tidbits of ideas when they come to me, I force myself to start talking about a particular problem I've encountered until I eventually talk myself out of it. This process has already resulted in brand new ideas that I'm excited to write as well as a clearer vision overall for where my stories are headed.

It may seem and feel odd, but I highly suggest anyone else to try this method for writing or any part of their life that might require some extra thought power.
-Ryan

Post-College Full-Time Employment

I'm excited to report that my 14-month-long copywriting internship is ending and I am starting work as a full-time employee next week! I'm excited to report it especially because between July 31st and September 5th I was worried I would have neither a job nor an internship come the end of October.

You see, on July 31st the place that I internship at told me that, due to a new recent hire, the entire department is changing direction and I would no longer be needed. I felt like I was being strung along for months (the date that they said they would make a decision kept getting pushed further away, and they had been implying since the beginning that this internship would likely turn into a full-time position) and was ultimately let down, but they did the incredibly unnecessary but infinitely valuable deed of giving me 90 days notice and offering help in any way they could for me to find employment elsewhere.

In short, I had three months to find a job or I would face unemployment; something I haven't known since I was 15 years old. I took to looking at career websites and updating my résumé and portfolio the very next day, and in the end I was lucky enough to find employment at a different company doing exactly what it is I went to college and had the internship for. I gave my internship two weeks notice that my last day would be Friday, September 19th so I could begin my new job the following monday.

For the most part everyone at my internship has been happy for me, and I'm quite excited myself. I'm excited to be able to take the experience I've gained and apply it somewhere new, and I'm especially excited to be given a fresh start.

Looks like my college education finally starts to pay off on September 22nd.
-Ryan

The Fourth Wall + Padded Cell

You can finally read one of my short stories (and an accompanying flash fiction story) for free online!

It's called "The Fourth Wall" and I've actually been blogging about it for a while (click that link to see all of my blog posts labeled "The Fourth Wall"). The first draft was written ‎February ‎19, ‎2012 for a project for my fiction writing night class, wherein we were to write and share a short story with the class. The professor said that the stories didn't need to be edited or even complete, but I decided that I needed to get the most out of the class and be taken seriously in the process, so I made it my own personal quest to write the best short story out of the entire class. (In my opinion, it was a tie between myself and a friend I made in that very class)

I took an old idea I had about a main character who know's he's the main character, and decided to write a story that was one huge inside joke to English students and my class in particular (including a scene that took place in a night class). The story became about a man who admits himself into a mental health center (referred to as a "nut house") because he was convinced he was the main character of a story that was plot-driven, and he wanted to control his own destiny.

It's a short story with incredible depth to it. There are three or four levels to the story's reality, depending on your interpretation, and it's written to be comedic and lighthearted while still exploring themes such as fate, love, and the philosophy of solipsism (a word I only learned just now).

The accompanying flash fiction story (one page long) is a sequel/summary of The Fourth Wall called "Padded Cell" which I wrote for my college literary and arts magazine simply so I could guarantee that I got published in the magazine (yes I know that sounds egotistical, but it worked).

In the end, these are two stories that have been very well-received, and will only take a short moment of your time to read.

So what are you waiting for? Head over to my GoodReads collection of self-published work and read them for yourself! Please leave comments/reviews on GoodReads or in this post, and share with your bookworm friends! I'd love to hear what you think and it's a great help to spread the words!

Enjoy! And I'm sorry it took so long!
-Ryan

Getting The Women's Perspective

Ever since I took a class called "Psychology of Women" in my second year of college I've considered myself a feminist.
I know, that word can have some negative connotations. My thought on the matter are less in line with bra-burning and more in line with something that writer George R. R. Martin once said:

That class, although focusing on the female psyche, helped me to learn more about myself and the world around me more than any other class I'd taken before or since. I immediately decided that I would try to do my part to represent women as they actually are (people) in the form that I know best; writing.

It's no secret that women are underrepresented in entertainment/media unless it comes to something "feminine". We see this every day: most television shows and movies feature a male lead character regardless of the role. Women are typically only featured as main characters in chick flicks; and to top it off they're always looking to solve their problems by finding the right man.

My plan became twofold; to write more stories with females as the lead character, and to portray them as people and not simply as women.
The first step has been fairly simple. There are still times when I prefer to write with male lead characters, but even then I'm always sure to write any female characters as capable and well-rounded human beings instead of needy and codependent stereotypes.
The second step has taken some practice. It's one thing to make women capable and well-rounded, (which I've found also makes stories more interesting since it's so contrary to the stereotype), but it's another thing to get their perspective just right.

I may have finally done just that.

I recently had my writing class read over my latest short story about "the other woman" in an affair. The story is told in the first-person perspective from her point of view. Overall, the class praised my successful effort to make the reader empathize with the woman who could be viewed as a home wrecker (though there was one bigoted student who insisted she was a "whore") as well as my successful effort to make the character interesting (one student said "I wish I could meet her").
But there was one compliment that I wasn't expecting to hear.

Something I had written into the story simply as a character trait and stylistic choice really resonated with the female readers. It turned out I had accidentally stumbled upon something of a universal truth among most young women that one reader described saying (something along the lines of) "why can't all guys think like this?". Many more of the women in the classroom immediately felt the need to interject with their own excited claims that they, too, felt exactly the same way as the character in the story. You cannot imagine the feeling of hearing such praise for something I'd not intended to be so relatable!

I'm not saying that I've got it all figured out. But it's absolutely refreshing to know that I was able to, if only for this once, think like a woman and see the world from her perspective.

Oh, and they thought the story was hilarious! You'll have to read it sometime.
-Ryan

What I'm (Apparently) Up To

So I've been writing a novel for my class, and I must admit I'm not as interested in it as I originally was.
I'm not giving up on it completely, but I've admittedly been dragging my feet while writing it and will let it sit on the back burner; writing bits and pieces as I get the urge to do so. Luckily I've managed to keep writing other things on the side as well.
I absolutely love writing short stories, which is complimented by the fact that a lot of the ideas I have are simple and meant for short stories (or perhaps I simply don't attempt to flesh them into larger narratives since I'm so content with short story-writing). In the past few weeks I've finished two short stories (one of which is twice the length of the other), and while they're still drafts full of imperfections, I'm incredibly proud of them and enjoy reading them myself.

So apparently I'm writing a collection of short stories. In the back of my mind I'd always wanted to do this, but I didn't consciously decide to do so. Another interesting thing to note is that the short stories I've written are all connected by characters and a few themes.

Again, I didn't plan to do this. I started overlapping characters because it was easier than coming up with new character names and back stories, and because it's just fun to have the stories connect with each other. As for overlapping themes, this came about because, as I'm getting more and more into writing, I'm discovering what themes and topics are most important or impactful to me at this stage in my life.

This is especially fantastic because it means that putting the stories together into a collection would make even more sense and give them a sort of adhesiveness to each other. It's also great because my fiction stories act somewhat as a nonfiction biography of my mind; they're what I'm thinking of.

On that note, I've also been slacking on my project that biggest impacts you, dear readers; actually releasing something of mine for you to read.
I want you to be reassured that this is happening, but I'm procrastinating because I want it to be perfect (and I'm admittedly a bit scared). Sorry for the delay, but keep checking back here for updates!

It feels nice to have things accidentally fall into place.
-Ryan

A Slightly Larger Victory Dance

It's time for yet another small victory dance!

Last year I got a little poem about zombies accepted into my college student literary and art magazine. While that was fun, it was a bit bittersweet since I'm no poet and I wrote the poem in high school. I decided, as a result, that I needed to get something accepted into the magazine again, but only a prose piece that represented my current quality of writing.

I had just written a fantastic short story called “The Fourth Wall” that I wanted to share with everybody, but unfortunately it was a few thousand words too long. I decided to try my hand at some flash fiction (very short fiction).

The trick to flash fiction is that you have a very limited area in which to tell a story. If a novel is a cake, and a short story is a slice of that cake, flash fiction is one small bite of the cake.

My idea was to write a series of moments.

Of course, if I can only give the readers a taste of the cake, that taste has to be rich and delicious and lousy with flavor (I’m using “lousy” in the traditional meaning here, which is “full of”. My prose stylistics teacher would be proud). Inspired by some very small ideas for stories that I’d been saving in my memory banks, I decided that the weight my flash fiction needed was an emotional tie that everyone understands; the loss of innocence.

I wrote six flash fiction stories about the moments that change us forever, titled each of them after songs by Death Cab For Cutie, and called the collection “Crooked Smiles”. I submitted only five of these six stories, not because one was too incomplete or personal (on the contrary, I felt they were all incomplete and made sure to submit the most personal ones), but because I felt one of them didn’t fit with the rest.

After submitting these five stories, I read them over and realized that they did not represent either my quality or style of writing and instantly regretted submitting each and every one. I tried to be artsy and poetic, when I’d rather be informal and direct.

With the deadline rapidly approaching, I went back to “The Fourth Wall” and quickly conceived of a story that I could write from the main character’s perspective recounting the events that led him to where he is and then contemplating his next move. It would be both a sequel and a summary of the story I originally wanted everyone to see. I wrote it out in one sitting, (titled it “Padded Cell”) looked over it once the next day for edits, and submitted it.

A few months later I heard back, the magazine had accepted two of my submissions! One of which, “Steadier Footing”, was from the collection and the other was “Padded Cell”. The irony was that I thought “Steadier Footing” was the least likely of all the stories to be accepted as it held the least personal significance.

I hope to release "Crooked Smiles" soon,

-Ryan

Rejections

I've been applying for post-college jobs. I have no choice, you see, because my current job is tied directly to my status as a college student. Once I graduate, I'm unemployed.

I'm going to be honest. I'm not used to rejections on a professional level. I've gotten hired for every position I've applied for in the past (minus one), and all three colleges I applied to accepted me (not that I was aiming incredibly high). Hell; I even got engaged-to-be-married in the first serious relationship I entered into. So this weekend when I got my first two rejection letters from places I applied for, it was a breath of fresh air.
I know, you were expecting me to say that it was a surprise. It wasn't, I'm no fool. I'm also aware that the other places I've applied for haven't contacted me back in any way, which likely means I'm rejected from them as well. In my defense, some of the places I applied for required experience that I just don't have. Sure I made my résumé look really nice and imply that I've already got what it takes for these jobs, but the fact is that I don't have any professional experience in writing or advertising.

Though I hoped that my skill in general writing would mean there would be a lot more job options available to me, it turns out most of the ones available are technical writing jobs for technical things of which I have little-to-no knowledge of. With graduation fast approaching, I've got to start keeping an open mind about what kind of jobs I can apply for.

One such technical writing job that I'm actually qualified for required me to be able to work in an environment full of raw meat. I have no idea why I need to be okay being surrounded with raw meat, but I am okay with that, so I applied. Of course, I haven't heard back from that place yet.

As for advertising jobs, most (if not all) of them require or prefer prior experience even if they're for semi-entry-level positions, and even if they don't "require" experience, somebody with experience is probably going to be more preferable over me; the guy with nothing but a fancy college degree that everyone told me I needed at a time like this.

All I can do, aside from apply for full-time positions at grocery stores, is work on my portfolio and keep applying until some place sees me as the potential golden nugget that I feel like I can be, and keep the mentality that I've been rejected not because I'm not going to be a great worker in my future career, but because I haven't applied to the right place yet; the one that wants a guy just like me.

Applying for jobs is like dating; you may be good at dating, but that doesn't mean you're dating the right person. I need to find and apply to the job that is the right fit for me. The one that's excited to have me.

I know it's out there. It's just going to take some time to find it.

-Ryan

Advertising Myself

The future is fast approaching, and it is still a completely blank canvas.

I've got less than a semester left of college before I graduate. This is the first time in my life that I've seen a dramatic change in my life approaching and had absolutely no clue what it will look like. I loose my job when I graduate (it's an on-campus job for students) and I've got to find a new and affordable place to live somewhere around my hometown.
I finally started working on my résumé, and I've been encouraged by a professor to use it not as a professional document that informs the reader of my background, but instead as a platform for which I can advertise myself, thus showing off my advertising skills.
It's incredibly fun to bend the facts and claim that my job flipping burgers has everything to do with preparing me for the world of advertising, and it feels good that a person who knows the industry like the back of her hand is assuring me that it's a great way to stand out.
But still it's hard to get my hopes up knowing that, even if I managed to get an interview lined up, I don't have a portfolio ready to present. I'm taking a portfolio-building class this semester, but the fact is that I need my portfolio to be finished and fantastic right now, not at the end of the semester when I'll need a job already secured.

Luckily, as you all know, advertising/copywriting is simply a subcategory of my larger interest and skill: writing. I've created a second résumé, a more serious one, that I can use to apply for jobs in the field of writing. It also feels good to know that I can, in a sense, fall back on my minor of writing for other jobs, but I never want my advertising major to go to waste, either.

It's complicated.

I'm both worried and reassured. I'm both excited and nervous.
All I can do is my best. All I can do is work hard to make this happen. To make my life happen.

Please, give me a job.
-Ryan

A Novel Idea

Though I've always stuck to writing short stories, I've been slowly building up a catalog of ideas for novels in my head.

This semester of college (my last semester, for those counting) I've got an Advanced Writers' Studio class in which the students are to pick a personal writing project to work on through the semester and turn in about fifteen pages of at the end.

My first thought to this assignment was "wow, only fifteen pages? Sure that's going to take some time but given how much short story writing I've done recently, it shouldn't be too difficult". After all, I've got three "finished" short stories that I feel represent my current level of quality, and a fourth one (first draft) halfway done. If I wanted to, I could even turn those all in and have an easy semester.

Then I realized, that's not why I signed up for this class.

Advanced Writers' Studio is a capstone writing class meant for students majoring in writing, which I am not. It is not required for me to graduate in any way, I'm taking it as an elective. I signed up for Advanced Writers' Studio so I could take advantage of my last semester and improve my writing, maybe even challenge myself.

As much as I didn't want to start writing my first novel until I felt I was talented enough to make it publish-worthy, I realize that, aside from the normal struggles, there's not much challenge left for me in short story writing. That's not to say that I've perfected the craft and that there's no room for improvement, it's just that I've gotten too comfortable with writing short stories. I need to move on to the next level. I need to use this class to improve myself.

I've got a novel in mind that excites me to think about. It's a dystopian novel with social commentary, which means I get to invent an entire world and give it real meaning.

Maybe I'll surprise myself.

-Ryan

Recording and Sharing My Life

From May 31, 2005 to April 3, 2012 I recorded my thoughts into a journal, which was made up of three black composition notebooks.

I didn't mean to stop, it just sort of happened, and when I realized it had been a while since I wrote I decided not to worry about it.

I didn't write in it regularly, you see, but only when it struck me that I had something to say or record. As life went on I realized that I had less to record or less ambition to record it, so near the end the gaps between dates in the journal got larger and larger.

I never really intended on keeping a journal. It just sort of happened. I was sitting in the classroom on the last day of 8th grade, looking around the room at the faces of all the people I'd spent almost a decade growing up with, wondering if I'd ever see them again. "Will they remember me?" I wrote.

I always thought it was poetic that I began my journal at the very end of the first phase of my life. The world of being a teenager awaited me, and I was already sensing the roller-coaster to come, especially since I knew that I was going to a high school with none of my friends.

I got hooked on writing my feelings and thoughts. Looking back on it, it makes perfect sense. I was going through a difficult time in my life full of puberty and all the internal and external drama that comes with it. I recorded my rebellious thoughts of distaste towards my parents, my insecurities as an awkward teen boy with acne, the time I got braces, the times I hung out with my new friends, and how it felt when I started dating my fiancée.
Keeping a journal was a form of therapy. A way of talking through my issues. No matter how small or embarrassing some of them seem now, I know they were important to me at the time.

Sure, life still has it's drama, but it's a different kind of drama. It's adult drama. Instead of worrying whether or not anyone could ever love me, now I'm worrying about getting a job and supporting the woman I love.

A part of the reason that I gave up on keeping the journal, I suppose, is that I've got this blog. And while I use it mostly to record announcements and thoughts about my writing, there are times (like this) that I love using it to detail some more personal aspects of my life. Sure, I don't feel comfortable blogging about some of the more private matters, but there are so many things I feel that I can share with those willing to read.

I've got several blank pages left in my last composition notebook, and the drama of graduating college is coming. I think I'll go back and finish it up.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for memories and I'm a sucker for inspiration in the form of real lives.
-Ryan

Last Semester Incoming!

As I'm sure I've mentioned, this is my last year of college. With December approaching that means that my last semester is coming up, I've already explained how busy my current semester has been so let's see what I can expect for the next semester.

I've only signed up for four classes next semester, as that's the minimum amount I need in order to graduate. Of those four classes only one is a requirement. Theoretically I was able to decide what class to take in order to fill that requirement, unfortunately out of about seven choices there was only one offered next semester, and it happened to be the one I least wanted to take: Technical Writing.

The rest of my classes were electives that I got to choose for myself. One of these is a sociology online class that should be interesting but is ultimately just filler. My last two choices are classes that I'm quite excited for, as they apply directly to my two interests in professions: writing and advertising. They're both ultimately going to help me work on honing my craft.

The interesting thing is that both of those classes are capstone courses. This means that I've got two classes I don't care too much about, and two that I care about but are going to be difficult. I'm not too worried about it, but it is unsettling that my last semester probably won't be as relaxed and fun as I had planned.
The other interesting thing is that I've scheduled my semester so I only have to go to class two days a week, and I signed up to work on the other days of the week.

To sum it all up: I'll have a bigger workload, and be working more hours, yet I'll have just about the same if not more time at home to get things done and relax.

Overall I'd say that's a pretty good deal.
-Ryan

Being Busy

 Haiku Time:
So little Free Time
To do what I want and Love ...
Well, I guess that's Life

Busy, busy, busy. This semester I've had quite the workload. People always tell you that you should spend at least an hour a night on homework per class (or maybe it was two), and I'm just going to tell you that I've never done that and gotten perfectly fine grades all through college. I'm sure that if you want to excel as an A+ student you may want to follow that advice better, but I've never been interested in being in the top of a class I don't give a rat's tail about.
That being said, this is the first semester in my whole life that I've consistently been unable to have a weekend free of homework. Yes, there has been the odd weekend that I knew I wouldn't have time to do anything and therefor worked hard the whole week to get ahead on homework before the weekend, but that's just too hard to do every week while still having time to relax.

What especially frustrates me, as you might guess, is that I've had so little time to write. The real kick in the pants about this is that I spent the entire summer working on a novel that I decided to scrap, and I was really hoping to have something to show publicly for all that work by now. Instead all I've got are unfinished projects, newly conceived ideas, and a large unfinished draft of a novel. None of it is ready to be shown to anybody.
I guess the good thing about having so little time to write my current projects is that I've got time to think about and develop my future projects, and I can assure you that my future projects are shaping up to be much more complete and improved than they were when I had so much time to write.

Now let's hope I eventually get time to write down those good, complete ideas.
-Ryan

College Major vs. Minor

The dichotomy between my chosen major and minor in college is certainly an interesting one.

For those of you who do not know, I am majoring in advertising and minoring in English writing. This decision came to me at the tail end of my sophomore year after I realized that as much as I liked the idea of becoming an English teacher for high school, I just didn't feel passionate about it. I watched a few episodes of Friends, talked to a career counselor, and took a few personality/career tests, and they all pointed me into the direction of advertising. It turns out my interests all happen to translate to skills that are necessary to create effective advertisements.
Of course, I knew that I was very passionate about writing, and that not only would an English Writing minor help me to hone my skills at the craft, but it would also look good that a person trying to get into the advertising world happens to have a knack for creativity.

Sometimes creativity involves holding a pen with my chin.

To this day I am confident that these were the best choices for me. I have come to love learning and practicing advertising, and I have come to learn a lot about how to be a better writer. The thing that makes all of this interesting, however, is that in a perfect world they would match my true feelings and be the other way around; I would be majoring in English writing and minoring in advertising.
After all, if you can't tell from reading my blog, my true passion lies in writing. As much as I love advertising, I know I'd love to just spend my life writing novels for a living.

Also, this post happens to be the 22nd, which surpasses last year's amount of 21.
For more of my thoughts; follow me on twitter.
-Ryan

Proof of Insanity

(The following post expands greatly upon this previous post about being uncertain about my future. I felt like I was holding back the true extent of my neurosis on the topic and so this time around, thanks to a friend's advice, I'm just letting it all out.)


HAIKU TIME:
Writing a novel.
For practice, I assure you
Yet it wears me out


Let me tell you a story about a story. Two years ago I whipped out a blank notebook in class and started writing what I had anticipated to be a tragedy tentatively titled "Megan and Danny" after the main two characters. The notebook was missing a few pages so I only had about 50 or so to write on, and I was too foolish to use the front and back of each (so I had to condense). What resulted was a notebook filled from beginning to end with a detailed skeleton of a story.

Last year I started moving the story from the notebook to my laptop, while expanding upon areas I felt needed to be fleshed out. I gave the characters more characteristics and the scenes more detail. I wanted to present a finished version of that draft to my Fiction Writing class for feedback, so I finished the draft in a hurry and changed the ending from a tragic one to a hopeful one.

The overwhelming majority of the class seemed to be trying their best to let me down easy. They offered vague suggestions and complaints. I heard the dreaded phrase "It has potential", which is code for "it was a waste of my time". Also, someone told me it was a waste of their time.
One person seemed genuinely interested in the sexual tension; exclaiming that they wanted to read more when things got a little heated.
I got the message: this is far from finished.
I couldn't just drop the story; it was the first I'd ever written with a real driving passion. I spent about a month planning what the next draft should be like and then started over with a brand new document.

It's so much better, but it's still just practice.
The plot is unoriginal, which is a shame because I promise you that I have dozens of original ideas written down that haven't been done before (to my knowledge), so I've been focusing on beefing up the characters and events to make them the center focus of the story. At this rate the story will finish at double the length of the previous draft.

It's changing so much for the better.
Thematically it's still about how people change as they grow up, how time affects all of us in some way, and how some of us refuse to accept that. The scary thing is that there's a good chance that the theme is the only thing staying completely intact. Names are changing, character lists are expanding, inside jokes are being included, my memories are sneaking in, plots are thickening, alliances are being drawn, drama is brewing, love is blooming, and betrayal (and maybe even death) is looming.

I don't even know what genre it is anymore.
Whatever it is, it's fun. It's been exhilarating to create these characters and then put them through these events. (also some of the characters and events are based on real people and things that have happened, which makes it more fun because it's like keeping a journal of my favorite people and memories in a creative and productive format.) Yet it's been consuming my mind on a day-to-day basis. I'm obsessing over details I'm not including, I've been considering drastic plot changes that alter the entire tone and focus of the story, and all the while I've been more afraid than ever before that I'll never amount to anything.

In high school my hormones decided I would suffer from light depression for no good reason whatsoever, and now life is telling me that, while the meaningless depression is over, the stress I create for myself is present more than ever. Also my psychological tendency to doubt my significance on this planet has been heightened and partnered up with a legitimate fear of the future as my last year of college looms on the horizon.
I second guess everything.
Why am I writing a story I have so little faith in?
Why aren't I writing one of my more original ideas?
Why does it take me so long to finish a single page?
Why do I get so hung up on details that don't matter?
What if nobody likes my writing style?
What if nobody likes my ideas?
What if this is the best it ever gets?
What if I get distracted by life and never write again?
What if everyone tells me that my stories are terrible and I never write again?
What if I get into a car accident, lose my motor functions and never write again?
What if I step off the curb at the exact moment that a dragonfly passes by, causing me to lose balance and fall into oncoming traffic, killing me instantly and causing me to never write again?
What if the world ends tomorrow and I never get a chance to write again?


I guess I'll just have to write more and faster, which I admit will likely contribute to more stress.
-Ryan

Beginning My "Last Summer" Ever

Wow, I didn't realize that this is my last "Summer Vacation" ever until exactly when I was trying to think of a title for this blog post.

Depressing.

Then again I've never been one to look at a glass with 50% water and call it half empty. I typically fill it all the way up instead (though that's not the point I was trying to make). This summer is actually shaping up to be a good one; I've got my job back from last year except this time with two of my friends working alongside me, I've continued being health-conscious by riding my bike to and from work as well as working out in the weight room (though I still love eating slightly large portions), and this year my lovely fiancee works almost the exact same hours that I do (as opposed to the complete opposite like last summer).

Work productivity has never been so fun!

As for what this summer is leading to? I suppose next year will be my last year of school in the foreseeable future, and after that I have to start my life as a real adult with a real job and everything like that, but it doesn't worry me too much when I think about how fortunate I am to be able to share all of that with my fiancee. After all, we're planning to get married shortly after college, how can I not look forward to that? I proposed over a year ago!

Yes, I admit it scares the crap out of me to have no idea what my life is going to be like after college, but at least I've got a great network of friends and family who would all gladly lend a helping hand at a moment's notice. My best friend has already offered to let me stay at his place in the event that anything happens between my fiancee and I (don't worry, I haven't had to and don't plan on needing to), which is incredibly thoughtful.

Lastly, did I mention that to kick summer off with a bang my fiancee bought us two tickets to see one of my favorite bands, Eve 6, live next Wednesday? And then right after that we're off to go up north for a relaxing weekend at her family's cottage with one of the largest groups of family and friends that I've ever been among!

What's there to be scared of?
-Ryan

You Can't Please Everybody

I read through that stack of critiques from my fellow students regarding my latest short story.

This stack.

I admit I didn't go through that entire stack because some of it is copies of my story with edits written in (instead I read all the critiques), and I'm still thoroughly going through my professor's edited copy which I hold to be more valuable than the other edits which I may not even read through unless a person's critique prompts me to.

I am happy to report that I got a lot of good suggestions and input. Some of it was said in class and some wasn't. I made a list of all the suggestions and problems I found most useful, and I even made a list of the names of people who loved the story beyond an average amount, calling it the  "Fan List". There are a total of six names on the Fan List.

I also made a list of the people who did not like the story at all. Calling it the "Hit List" (sarcastically, I assure you). There are two names on the Hit List.

The class is 25 students, counting myself. That means 24% of the class loved my story, 8% hated it, 64% enjoyed it a normal amount (or didn't specify their opinion), and 4% wrote it (that's me).

I'm going to take the time to explain what some people said, and rebuttal their claims if necessary.

THE LOVERS:

"As long as your story was, I read it fast because it kept my attention the whole time." 

 "Awesome story! The plot was really interesting, especially to me being a psychology major ... it's making my head spin, in a good way."

 "Wow. This story was awesome ... My favorite story of the class so far."

"All I can really say is wow. This is by far the best draft that I have read so far. I think that it is an extremely novel approach to writing."

"What did I like about it? A lot of things. I think this has great potential to be published."

"I kept reading because I wanted to figure it all out ... It almost seemed like an inside joke to the English world ... I am now questioning my own reality."

A special thank you to all the people who said these amazingly nice things. Others complimented my story, but you six praised it. It's hard to describe how it feels to read such wonderful comments from my intended audience. It reassures me that this is what I want to do with my life. Thank you all.
THE HATERS:

"Beyond page 2, I found it to be very uninteresting. I had to force myself to keep reading because it was an assignment, and I feel compelled to always complete assignments ... I had no vested interest in any of the characters, and the storyline was confusing."

"The punctuation in the entire story is horrible. Please take the time to learn how to punctuate [dialogue] properly. Without the proper punctuation the story becomes very difficult to read ... You have large chunks of exposition where a sentence or two would be more than enough ... I call it tedious because it doesn't add to the story ... By page 8 I was bored and wondering what the point was ... I was completely fed up with the story ... I was dreading having to read ten more pages of this. What was the point? ... plus do you have any idea what [rape] would be like for a girl?"

Hater #1, you were kind enough to give me constructive criticism, and I genuinely understand that the story can be hard to understand, especially when you lose interest after page two. It wasn't your cup of tea and I can respect that, and I thank you for giving it a fair shot by reading all the way through for the sake of your compulsion to complete assignments.
Hater #2, I can forgive you for not understanding the story because frankly you are not my demographic and you seemed to not read into the story beyond the face value of the printed words. I will reassure you though, that I do know what quotation marks are, and I'm sorry you spent so much time marking them around every line of dialogue in the story without realizing the significant reason they were missing. It would have helped if you were constructive with your criticism, and I wish you'd not been so harsh with your criticisms, but I still respect your opinion. Also I don't personally know how rape would feel, but I can imagine it would be intensely unpleasant, and I hope you realize that I did not intend to glorify it at all (hence why the victim in the story is traumatized by it). I'm very sorry if you felt I was somehow promoting rape.
VARIOUS OTHERS:
There are just a few other comments I would like to address from people that seemed to neither completely love nor completely hate the story (though most of them expressed liking it)

"If you have a rape scene in your piece, or anything resembling a rape scene, you must include a trigger warning so people can either a. chose not to read it or b. be prepared to read it"

I can see how you would think that, because this is such a sensitive topic with  many people, and I see given the tone of the rest of the story how you would not be expecting this and be more disturbed by it. I will rebuttal by simply saying; isn't that the point?

"While other writers might find it amusing, this kind of meta-humor doesn't really appeal to a very wide audience. If you're okay with that, it's fine, but you should keep that in mind."

 This goes back to my previous point of my targeted demographic. I was writing this story for a Fiction Writing class, and had that in mind 100% while writing it (why else would I have a story-within-a-story taking place in a night class?). The overall class seemed to genuinely like it, so I believe I was successful in that regard, and I've actually shared it with several non-writers who found it to be equally as fun to read even if they didn't get all the writer references. So I respectfully disagree.

The point is that nobody can please everybody all the time. This is something I always knew, but this is my first experience in which people had drastically different opinions from the majority of others about something I've done. The good news is that the majority in this case was in favor for my story.
I hope to have the final edit done shortly and upload it to the site for everyone to read eventually.

Also, March 19th seems to be the first Anniversary of this blog!
-Ryan

21 and Reaffirmed

Two days ago I turned 21 years old. One day ago I got to sit in class while my fellow students and professor critiqued a work of short fiction I wrote.

Let's start with the obvious. I live in America where the drinking age is 21 and the culture around alcohol encourages getting drunk and having a party. For the record I've never really drank before, aside from a sip or two of some things more recently to see if I would potentially enjoy the taste. Therefore I didn't feel the need to get drunk on my birthday because I've never seen the benefit of becoming less rational and in control of myself.
I spent the night before my birthday hanging out with some friends, playing pool and video games, and trying out a few drinks. A friend of mine offered to mix me a drink, but didn't tell me the alcoholic content of it and I didn't feel the need to ask. One minute I was fine and the next I was quite goofy to say the least.

Pictured: The drink in question ... glowing.

Yes there are videos. No you cannot see them.
While I still stand by my opinion that there's no rational reason to get drunk, I admit I see the appeal now.
But beyond that my birthday weekened was amazing. I had a total of three parties; one with my family, the one mentioned above, and one the day of my birthday which wasn't a party for me but it turned out everyone there knew about it. I had a different cake for each, the highlight easily being a professionally designed cake that looked exactly like an old book supposedly written by me that tasted like a chocolate peanut butter cup.

Pictured: A cake (courtesy of http://www.itzmyparty.com/).

Overall it was a fantastic birthday weekend, and I'd like to thank those of you reading this who were either a part of it or even simply who wished that I have a happy birthday.

The fun didn't stop there, however. As mentioned in my previous post I was scheduled to listen to my night class critique a short story I wrote last night. They saved mine for last, and so I was nervous but excited to say the least. I had heard positive feedback from some family members and friends I had shown the story to,  but to hear an entire classroom (and published professor) critique my story seemed like a whole other ballgame. I hoped it was so good that the class would end up analyzing the story instead of critiquing it, which has always been a dream of mine that my stories would be so deep that future students would study them. My expectation was that the classroom would instead do as it always did and critique the story, pointing out what they liked and didn't like about it whilst offering suggestions on how to improve it.

For the most part my dream came true.

Pictured: The stack of critiques I was given to look over.

While there were definitely things mentioned that I could do to improve the story, there were no real particular improvements to be made ... more like general suggestions for deeper meaning and clarity. Instead my story inspired the classroom to dissect the story as best they could and the professor to give a short lesson on postmodernism and meta-fiction. Even the most pessimistic guy I've ever known who sits in class and rips every other story we've read to shreds seemed to have very little to say about his distaste in the short story.
What I got from this experience (besides a 50-minute-long audio recording of the analysis itself) was much more than euphoria from excessive praise. I got some amazing feedback that has inspired me to make some tweaks to the story and the inspiration to push onward in my quest to become a published author.

This new year is looking up already.
-Ryan

Eyes on the Horizon

Well this has certainly been a busy past few weeks. My work shifts are a bit shorter but much more demanding, classes are in full swing and I've already had two tests (of which I finished first in my class, confidently), and my time off is spent catching up on homework and apartment chores.

Pictured: The horizon I have my metaphorical eyes on.
(photo by buck82; some rights reserved.)

If there's one thing I'm loving so far though, it's the mixture of classes I have this semester. I don't dislike any single class this semester so far, and more excitingly is that as opposed to last semester in which I had nothing but advertising-related classes (which are typically serious-focused and demanding classes), this semester I have a good mix of (more relaxing) advertising classes as well as some English classes which are a breath of fresh air to take.

Upon entering my first English class of the semester I was reminded why I used to enjoy school so much. The atmosphere is so much more relaxed and upbeat than at most advertising classes. I get to actually have fun applying my knowledge and discussing the area I'm most passionate about in English classes as opposed to simply declaring whether an ad is effective or not.

One English class in particular that I'm excited about and enjoying so far is my night "Fiction Writing" class in which the main long-term assignment is to write two short stories (one to be critiqued by the whole class), and the weekly assignments are to read and critique the short stories written by everybody in class (as well to read and discuss one published short story a week). It's so fun to be among people that, generally speaking, have the same interest in writing fiction as I do, and have fun reading and discussing everyone else's.

I had decided almost immediately that I would submit my unfinished novella for at least the teacher to read and critique, which meant that I had to think of and then begin writing a new idea for the class to read.

Pictured: The reaction I do not want from my readers.
(photo by Aidras; some rights reserved.)

My immediate goal was to do something different than what I expect the rest of the class to write. I want my story to stand out right away from everyone else's. It is no easy task to think of something you expect to be different than some 25 other stories without knowing what they are or even much about the people writing them. Luckily I had come up with an idea just unique enough that, to my recollection, it had only been done popularly once before. As I began to write out the ideas, though, it became apparent that while it was a good idea and it was certainly unique, there was something too typical about it; the tone. The originality of the tone is just as important as the originality of the story itself, and in this way my idea would be too similar to other people's because it was a serious and dramatic tone; much like most short stories seem to be.

So it was back to the drawing board, except with time running out until my deadline I decided to go back to my the drawing board on which I keep all of my old ideas I've yet to use. My eyes fixated on an idea I had summarized in one character quote: "You're not even the main character".
So I took this idea and am running with it. The story and tone are both unlike anything I expect to read from my classmates, and to ease my paranoia that if nobody likes it I'm a failure as an aspiring author I've recruited four of my closest friends to read it over before I submit it to class.

Expect to read it yourself in the "Stories" section of this site before the semester is over, and wish me luck!

PS: My birthday is this month.
-Ryan

Twitter, Death n Friends, and School

Hey everybody! I thought I'd squeeze in one more blog post this month in hopes that the "three posts a month" thing will catch on as a regular thing.

This post will have more to do with some technical updates rather than it being a rambling of my struggles and views on the craft of writing. Yes, I know I keep saying in my posts that there are little things that I'll "get to later" or something (last time I said my 'lifelong tragic love epic' was now a 'love story' and that I would get to that later), but don't worry as I really will be getting to it later. Later just isn't now quite yet.

Firstly as you probably already noticed, I have a little Twitter thingy on the right side of the page now that lets you see my latest "tweets". I admit that when I first heard of Twitter a few years ago (or was it one year ago? This internet thing moves too fast) I thought it was useless to me as I could simply say whatever short thing I wanted to say in a Facebook status instead of a "tweet". And honestly it was pretty useless to me, and the only reason I created an account was so I could get the quick little updates about my favorite band, Nine Inch Nails.
But now it seems it could actually be of more use. I am going to try using it in conjunction with this blog. Meaning that I will update it with little things that wouldn't fit a whole blog post or that I just don't have time to write about in a whole post yet, as well as announce via Twitter when I post something new on my blog, so feel free to follow me, "RyanMatejka", to get all those little updates.

An example of the quality you can
expect out of my comics.

Secondly if you like my sense of humor (who doesn't?) then you'll be happy to know that there are three new comics posted on the Humor page of this blog. They're honestly nothing to get too excited about, as I simply doodled them at various times in school (you may notice the first one is dated a few years ago, while the second two were written this past uear and are not dated) and there's not much depth or maturity to their humor. Nonetheless they're called "Death n Friends", (which makes as much sense as the strips themselves) there's three of them, and they're located in the Humor tab above. Enjoy!

Lastly it should be known that the second semester of my Junior year of college has begun, so for all I know you won't be hearing from me as often simply as a result of having too little time to write stories or blog about anything, though I vow to update the blog at least once a month. Also it helps that I am in a fiction writing class and plan to write a whole short story just for that class which I will inevitably post about on here.

So yeah, that pretty much sums everything up. "Twitter, Death n Friends, and School", as the title indicates. I hope to update you all on the progress of my love story in the coming weeks, as progress has been better and bigger than expected.

Stay classy interwebs.
-Ryan

12-Hour Revelation

Let's try something I've only done a few times before; let's talk about what's going on in my incredible life.
December has been a busy month. Exams have been creeping in, projects have been due (both group and solo), and I've been voluntarily picking up shifts at work in order to have money for the upcoming winter break (during which time I will not have a job, as my job is on-campus and closes during breaks).

The most stressful point of this last month was easily this past weekend. I managed to get the majority of my assignments and projects done before the weekend, but not so I could relax and enjoy it. Instead it was so I could work so hard Wednesday through Saturday that I would be able to spend Sunday relaxing in a blissful state of numbness.

You see, a typical week for me goes like this (click to enlarge):

The red X'd out class is one I dropped early in the semester when I realized that 18 credits plus working 20 hours a week was too much for me to handle, and the Saturday shift ends at around 3am (we close at 2am) but I only have it every other week.
However, this last week I came in to work an hour early on Monday, picked up a shift on Thursday from 6-9, picked up a second shift on Friday from 10-3am, and picked up a second shift on Saturday from 3pm-8:45.
When you do the math, that adds up to about 34 hours of work. Also when you do the math, you realize that I'm incredibly nuts.
So Wednesday and Thursday wasn't that bad; 4.5 hours and then 3 hours. Big deal. But what was tough was working 9 hours on a Friday night after an already stressful week from 5:30 to 3:00 Saturday morning, then following that up with a 12 hour shift on Saturday from 3pm-3am.
I haven't spent 12 straight hours somewhere that wasn't a sleepover.
Okay, so I'm not the only person in history to work 12 hours straight, in fact my manager that day was there for the same shift, but in my defense that guy also once told me he was out hunting werewolves during a full moon.

The point I'm trying to make is that this has been a stressful month and week, and while I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, there's still two weeks left until exams and school are over, and even then I need to worry about having enough money to make it until mid-January when school and subsequently my job begins again.
But I'm actually doing it.
I've managed to prove to myself that I can manage my time well enough to have almost none of it to spend relaxing, and still keep my sanity and optimism.
And yes, I spent Sunday mostly at home relaxing. I slept in until 11 and watched a Christmas movie at night with my fiancée. It was very nice.

In relation to Christmas, I'm hoping to have a little gift put together in time for December 25th for those of you who love and enjoy reading this blog of mine.

Here's hoping my work pays off.
-Ryan