The Events that Led Me Here

My parents and their neighbors across the street each got pregnant around the same time, and welcomed their newborn babies into the world mere days apart from one another.

That neighbor's daughter became my first friend. We remained friends through high school, occasionally hanging out and always chatting online.

One day she invited me to a little Halloween party she was throwing with some people from her school. I went to the party and found myself very attracted to one of the girls I met there, but she seemed indifferent and nothing seemingly came of our interactions.

A few months later, a different girl I'd befriended asked me to be her boyfriend, and I accepted. We "dated" for about three weeks before she broke up with me.

I called my first friend to tell her what happened. We got to talking a bout other things, and she mentioned that the girl from the Halloween party had been feeling pretty low lately. Remembering my attraction to this girl and wanting to help cheer her up, I told my friend to tell the girl from the party that I thought she was hot.

My first friend and I had a falling out soon afterwards, but the girl from the party is now my wife of five years and seven months ago we had our first baby together.

It's funny when you look back on the events that led me here. Make the slightest change to any of it and things might have turned out very differently for me.

My life has been an interesting 28 years so far, but I think the last 5 have been the best yet.

This is really just my long-winded way of saying— HAPPY FIFTH ANNIVERSARY TO MY AMAZING WIFE! Without you, I would be half the man I am today. I'm grateful for every day we have together, and there will never, ever be enough. You continue to surprise me with all the things I love about you, and I hope I can do the same for you. Always and forever. Everything's nothing without you.

Love,
Ryan

I'm A Dad Now

On Monday, October 29th at 1:45pm, my wife Corey had an appointment with a neonatologist to assess why our baby appeared to be smaller than expected given that she was only two weeks away from the due date. I joined her for the majority of that appointment, but had to leave early to go to my own annual physical at 2:30pm.

When I got home at around 4pm, Corey was awaiting a call from her OB-GYN because, she explained to me, the neonatologist had determined that labor would likely have to be induced before the end of the week. I didn't get to learn much more about what I'd missed before the OB-GYN called to tell us that she could schedule us for induced labor at 7pm that night. You see, it turned out that the umbilical cord was no longer giving our baby the nutrients she needed to grow at the expected healthy rate. Since Corey was technically at full term, the earlier they could get the baby out, the better.

We panicked. We texted our families. We finished filling our overnight bags and frantically cleaned the house so we wouldn't have to once we returned home. We entrusted our dog with my in-laws. We panicked some more. We got in the car and drove to the hospital where we would deliver and meet our first child.

The Timeline:

Monday October 29th, 7:00pm: We check in to the hospital.

8:20pm: The first dose of pitocin administered.

~6:30am: 1-2 centimeters dilated. Corey is taken off of pitocin.

8:10am: The OB-GYN induces labor by breaking the water. She says that labor likely would have started soon anyway given how well Corey's body reacted to the pitocin. She doesn't anticipate a long labor due to Corey's hight and the baby's small size. The baby is expected to be born this afternoon.

11:45am: The contraction pains become too great. An epidural is administered.

12:00pm: 100% effaced, 3 centimeters dilated, at -1 station. This all means that, respectively; the cervix is paper thin so that the baby only has the uterus between it and the big world, Corey is only 30% of the way to full dilation (the first 5cm typically take much longer than the last 5cm), and the baby's head was 1 centimeter away from Corey's pelvis (stations are measured from -5 to +5, the latter of which is known as "crowning").

6:35pm: 5 centimeters dilated. The epidural slowed down the contractions and made the pregnancy much more drawn out than we expected. Corey goes back on the pitocin to try and speed things up and make the contractions stronger. We're still hoping to deliver the baby before midnight, but that's much less certain than it was when the OB-GYN visited this morning.

9:30pm: 10 centimeters dilated! It's time to start pushing!

Tuesday October 30th, 11:36pm: After spending 28.5 hours in labor, my amazing wife gave birth to this beautiful baby girl:

Measuring 5lbs 4.1oz and 18.25 inches long, she was the smallest baby on the wing.

One Month Later

As of today our baby is one month old, and holy crap it's been a wild month. We've been getting barely enough sleep to function during the day and all hopes of continuing to be productive while raising a newborn have fallen by the wayside, but I'd still say we're doing relatively well. Besides, it's all worth it for her. Oh yeah, and our dog Henna seems to like her, too.

As for how the baby's doing, she's still got to pass a hearing test in one ear, she's got torticollis in her neck (a short, tight neck muscle) that we and a physical therapist are trying to help her work out, and her belly button has a hernia that should resolve itself by the time she's 4, but otherwise she's totally happy and healthy. She eats a lot, makes adorable noises when she stretches, and seems to be trying her hardest to make sense of the world around her.

In fact, it turns out that all the milk she endlessly consumes is being spent on more than just full diapers, because as of her one month check-up she's already 7lbs 10oz and 20 inches long! While that's still pretty small, it's a lot of growing for her to make in only one month!

Look at those chubby cheeks!!!!

She's slowly learning to hold herself up, and we can tell she's starting to notice more sights and sounds (especially heartwarming when it's us she notices). Still, she has a long way to go. Her eyes don't have any color and can't see very well yet, she won't sleep through the night for a while (though her stretches of sleep seem to be getting longer!), and we're desperately eager for her first smile and laugh.

Corey and I are incredibly fortunate. We have a healthy baby who's progressing well, we have supportive families who can't wait to see her and lend a helping hand, and neither of us has lost our minds quite yet. I don't know what else we could possibly ask for ... aside from more sleep and fewer instances of her making a mess on the changing table immediately after we think we're in the clear, of course.

As a final note, I've been trying to be conscious about how much I share of her online, since I have to bear in mind that one day she'll be a fully-developed human being who may not want her name and baby photos plastered all over the internet. That being said, in closing, I want to share just a few of my favorite photos of her, because as hard as I try to be sensitive to her future wishes, I'm still just a proud dad who wants to show off his amazing daughter to the world.

So small!

Rawr!

Ready for the game with mom.

Snugglin' with dad.

Hanging out on the ground with Henna.

Looking super snuggly.

I Don't Have Time To Write This Blog Post

I don't have time to write this blog post.

No, seriously. I've got two or three drafts of other articles that are have just been sitting in my queue partially complete for months now. I totally intended to be blogging a lot more this year than I have been so far.

But I just don't have time.

Fortunately, the reasons I don't have time are pretty good ones. For instance, I've been busy working on the Barista Update for Cook, Serve, Delicious! 2!!, and I actually got to go to Boston to show off the game with two other developers. In fact, one of my incomplete drafts is an outline for a post about that experience from my perspective, which took a back seat to co-writing an official blog post for the company on the same subject. I might still write something on that, since I've got more to say on it from a personal perspective, but right now I just don't have time.

Another reason I don't have time to write this blog post is that I've also been hired to work for the marketing company of one of the guys I met in Boston, so I've got even more freelance work to do in my otherwise free time.

Plus it's summertime, so I've got housework and yard work and I'd really rather just be outside enjoying the warm Wisconsin weather before life freezes over in a few months.

Oh yeah, and I spread myself really thin with personal projects such as editing hours of home videos, sorting through and touching up hundreds of photos, creating a follow-up to my Blade Runner Ambient Soundscape, writing stories, working on house projects, etcetera etcetera etcetera ...

But the main reason I have no time to write this blog post, or to do so many other things, is because my wife and I are expecting our first child in November.

Please understand: this isn't even an announcement. I've already announced this on other more popular social media platforms back in early May. I just need you to understand why I haven't been able to update this blog in a while, even though I've had every intention to. I just have so much going on right now that it's insane. I doubt taking care of a newborn is going to free up that schedule much, but I guess I can at least try to get as much of it done as possible before then.

Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't updated this as frequently as I normally do. Feel free to reach out to me on my new website if you really want to know what's going on in my life.

Cheers.
-Ryan

From 2017 into 2018 - What a Crazy Year!

It's that time of year again – specifically the end of the year. That means it's time for me to reflect on 2017 and needlessly share all of my thoughts with you. I'll try to keep it shorter than last year, but this was a crazy year so I make no promises.

How'd Those Resolutions Go?

Apparently I made five resolutions for 2017. Let's go through them one by one and see how I did.

2017 Resolution #1: Finish drafting and seek publication on my novel

Yeah, I just didn't do that. I got away from the novel for a few months, and then realized that I had lost interest in it and was getting much more invested in my new ideas, and when I finally got back to writing Nothing But The Boots it just felt like a chore. I still liked the characters and many of the plot points, but the whole novel just felt like a jumbled mess. The primary problems were that I had conceptualized it when I only had a very basic idea for how to write a novel, so it just wasn't structured very well and I wasn't adequately prepared to write it, and as a result of that I had done so many rewrites to major characters and plot points that I had trouble remembering where exactly I was headed with the latest draft or what was "real" in the story anymore. When this year's NaNoWriMo came around, which is typically the biggest thing that kicks me back into writing, I made the decision to work on something else entirely, which has been going so well that I've started to finally think of Nothing But The Boots as a failure I can finally walk away from. While that was still a tough decision, it's made easier knowing that I've learned many valuable lessons in storytelling and novel writing as the result of that process, which I've carried with me into writing my next novel.

2017 Resolution #2: Write more and post stories online

I kind of did this one! I can't say that I "wrote more" necessarily, but in the start of the year I did continue writing stories based on writing prompts on Reddit, which I posted to my dedicated subreddit over there. However I fell out of the habit of looking for writing prompts around halfway through the year so that I could focus on writing for Cook, Serve, Delicious! 2!! 

2017 Resolution #3: Learn to play an instrument

Okay, so I admitted in my resolution that this one was the most far-fetched and unlikely. Appropriately, I barely even started working on this one before I moved on to other projects.

2017 Resolution #4: Lose weight and get in shape

In 2016 I lost 10lbs, and in 2017 I gained 10lbs. I definitely failed this one for a plethora of excuses I won't bother you with.

2017 Resolution #5: Explore my area more

Due to the project of finishing part of our basement, which took up most weekends of the better parts of the year, my wife and I didn't get to hike or go to community events as much in 2017 as we had the year before. That was a bummer, but it's what comes with taking on a huge home project that we're ultimately incredibly happy with. The good news is that I can still consider this resolution partially complete, as we tried out many more local restaurants this year than perhaps ever before!

2017 Summarized

I wrote for a video game that has gone on to be successful. My wife and I (with huge help from her dad) finished part of our basement and turned it into a beautiful home theater room. We visited both North Carolina (again) and South Dakota. I tried a lot of new restaurants, watched a lot of movies, and read a lot of books (and I got back into reading and collecting comic books). I pickled a lot of home-grown yellow peppers. I took part in Camp NaNoWriMo for the first time and started writing a new novel I'm really excited about during regular NaNoWriMo.

A new friend of mine took her own life, and the only grandfather I've ever known lost his. Two of my friends revealed to me that their significant others were physically abusing them. One of my best friends started fostering two children. A coworker friend revealed to me that he's going to be a father. My wife dealt with repeated sinus infections, back pains, and other afflictions while continuing to be the most wonderful and inspiring partner I could ever hope to have. I swear to all the gods on Mt. Olympus that my dog gets cuter every damn day.

In short, it's been a busy year full of highs and lows.

Resolutions for 2018

Bear with me, but some of these are going to be a bit familiar:

2018 Resolution #1: Finish drafting and seek publication on my latest novel

As I said, I've started writing something new this year that I'm really excited about, so I'd love to make some more real progress on that.

2018 Resolution #2: Write more and post stories online

The 2017 resolution that was very similar to this one (okay, it was the same thing) got bogged down by other projects. In 2018, I hope to be able to focus more on short story writing and making them more accessible to the world.

2018 Resolution #3: Lose weight and get in shape

I've actually recently gotten into the habit of working out more in the last month or so, so hopefully in 2018 I actually meet this goal instead of doing the complete opposite.

2018 Resolution #4: Read most of the books I own that I haven't read

I got a lot of books for last Christmas and my birthday that I still haven't read, and on top of that, my wife went to a huge book clearance event this autumn and bought even more that I haven't read, mostly because I got distracted reading other things this past year. This year I just need to stop reading books I don't own and instead focus on reading the ones I own. Simple.

2018 Resolution #4: Hike More

My wife and I hiked quite a bit in 2016, but then that habit took a back seat this year to finishing part of our basement, which took up most of our weekend free time. It was a total bummer to have to spend so many warm days inside and underground, and no doubt that partially contributed to my weight gain. That being said, I'm excited to be able to get back outside and hike more trails in 2018!

Wish me luck, and I wish everyone a happy and prosperous 2018!

-Ryan

From 2016 to 2017 - Keeping the Momentum Going

Do you like this new graphic? I made it myself with a photo I took of my beautiful wife.

I felt like I should do some end-of-the-year blogging to get some closure on 2016 and publicly express my goals for 2017, especially after writing a lengthy post/essay titled "Spider-Man or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Reboot" that I then decided not to publish because it was basically just me telling the entire story of my love for Spider-Man and expressing my opinions (that nobody asked for) about the upcoming reboot film.

Concerning My 2016 Resolution

I don't actually remember my primary resolution for 2016, and looking back on last year's review, I didn't really state anything specific. Therefore I'm just going to assume my resolution was to complete the second draft of my novel, which I came very close but ultimately failed to do. I do remember, however, resolving to learn to meditate in 2016, which I did a little bit of throughout the year but not as much as I wanted to.

So what did I actually do this year, then? I read a lot more books (the entire Hitchiker's Guide series, several books in the Detective Bosch series, four books in the Series of Unfortunate Events, The Martian, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, and Childhood's End), watched a bunch of good movies for the first time (La La Land, Sunshine, 10 Cloverfield Lane, Good Will Hunting, The Revenant, the "Before" trilogy, Spirited Away, High Rise, Begin Again, Deadpool, Ghost in the Shell, There Will Be Blood, Victoria, Carol, Room, Sixteen Candles, Straight Outta Compton, Steve Jobs, Brick, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Memento, Sicario, A Scanner Darkly, Snowpiercer, and more), watched some good TV shows (Westworld, Stranger Things, Black Mirror, Game of Thrones, Better Call Saul, Parks and Recreation, etc), discovered some new music and played the occasional video game (mostly on Android).

I also lost my job, found a better one, got a new phone that lets me play Xcom anywhere, put up a fence in my back yard for my dog, started using Instagram, redesigned the blog to actually look like a writer's blog, started writing short stories based on writing prompts (one of which has gained enough attention for two individuals to ask me if they could adapt it into a short film), made new friends, reconnected with old friends, did a lot of hiking, tried out a few different haircuts, and lost 10 lbs.

2017 Resolutions

First and foremost, I really want to get the second draft of my novel finished and start sending it out to publishers. I'm really close thanks to NaNoWriMo, and I really only need to write the ending, rewrite a secondary character's arc, and punch up the humor and charisma in some parts.

Secondly, I just want to keep writing more, especially those writing prompts, and eventually put a few up on the website for public consumption.

Thirdly, ever since experimenting with mixing music again a few weeks ago and seeing the amazing film La La Land in theaters a few days ago with my wife, it's starting to look like I might finally be learning to play an instrument or two. You see, she grew up playing the violin and guitar, but after seeing Ryan Gosling in La La Land and learning that he trained himself in only three months she's been wanting to learn piano (and her parents have a beautiful one in their home that rarely gets used), and I grew up owning a guitar but not knowing how to play it and always wanted to learn to play the keyboard so I could make some music on the computer without relying entirely on pre-recorded loops. So I'll say my tertiary big goal of 2017 is to learn to play piano and/or guitar, but this just came up recently so we'll see if it really sticks.

Fourthly, I should probably continue to lose weight and get in shape. I did some pilates this year, which proved to be quite enjoyable and challenging, tried to get into a routine of exercising (beyond taking my daily walks) at least once a week, and made an effort to eat healthier or smaller portions, so more of that would be good. Now that the wedding has long passed, my biggest motivation to be healthy and in shape is that I want to be able to keep up and play with my future kids as much as possible.

Lastly, I really just want to keep trying new things in my area. For years, I was stuck in a rut of eating at chain restaurants, shopping at chain stores, and going to the same places to do the same old things, but this year my wife and I made a solid attempt of eating and shopping more locally, as well as visiting parks we'd never been to before and just overall trying to attend more community events like concerts, movies in the park, and beer gardens. More of that is always good fun.

And I still want to do more Tactical Laser Tag. Seriously, I only went once this year.

-Ryan

From 2015 into 2016

Firstly, concerning my 2015 resolution

So there's this novel I've been working on since my last semester of college when a bunch of girls in my writing workshop class told me that they loved one of my short stories and wanted more. At the end of last year, I made the resolution to finally finish the first draft of that novel in 2015.

Today is the last day of 2015, and while I did finish the first draft of a novel this year (for the first time), it was for a completely unrelated story that I started and finished during the month of November for NaNoWriMo.

While I admit it's a huge bummer to not have a draft done of that college story yet, I'm proud of what I have accomplished in writing this year. I've written a 50,000 word novel from beginning to end, gotten a freelance job writing for a video game that I truly believe in, and am so incredibly close to finishing that college story that I can taste it!

And now, everything else 2015

This year, I've also been making more friends of coworkers than I thought I would, purchased a house along with my lovely wife, adopted the most adorable and fun dog on the planet, and continued to try eating more vegetables.

As far as my hobbies go, I've read several books (The Girl on the Train, Orange is the New Black, The Black Echo, The Girl with All The Gifts, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Survivor, etc.), seen countless movies (Mad Max, Star Wars, Ex Machina, Nightcrawler, Inside Out, Brooklyn, It Follows, Whiplash, The Guest, John Wick, and so many more), listened to a hell of a lot of music (Halsey, Grimes, The Weeknd, Panic! At The Disco, Melody Gardot, Purity Ring, Nero, and holy crap so much more), but played mostly one video game (Xcom: Enemy Unknown).

So, what about next year?

More. More of everything. More novel drafts, more freelance opportunities, more fun at work, more projects on the house, more playtime with my dog, more books to read, more movies to watch, more music to thrive on, more Xcom (the sequel comes out soon), and - of course - much more time with my amazing, caring, fun, can't-survive-without-her wife!

Maybe not as many more vegetables, though. We're starting to get down to the really weird ones.

Oh yeah, and a million times more Tactical Laser Tag. It has seriously been too long since I did that.

-Ryan

Introducing Henna

That beautiful dog up there is Henna; the latest addition to the Matejka family. She's presumed to be a mixture of a corgi and a cattle dog, which is why she's so adorably short and short-haired.

The Story of Her Adoption

The story of her adoption is a funny one. It all started three weeks ago on a Monday when my dog-starved wife told me that she'd decided that adopting a dog wouldn't be ideal this early in our home-ownership since it would increase monthly cost and decrease free time, both of which are necessary to complete the finishing touches on our home such as installing a patio in the back yard and finishing the basement. Then, on Tuesday morning, she was browsing the local Humane Society website and found this adorable dog that she told me we just HAD to adopt, partially because it's a mix of her favorite breed (corgi) and mine (cattle dog) and partially because the dog was two years old and would thus likely need little-to-no training. I scoffed at the idea at first since I assumed she was being impulsive or making a joke, but she convinced me to use my break at work to drive to the Humane Society, see the dog, and report back to her for possible adoption later that night.

You see, while the Humane Society that this particular little dog was at happens to be about an hour away from our house, it's only about fifteen minutes away from my job, and I get an hour-long lunch break. I cleared the break with my boss, recruited a fellow coworker to come with me for added perspective, and at noon we drove together all the way to the Humane Society only to find out that it did not open until 2pm.

I reported this back to my wife, who was determined to get to this dog before anyone else. She gets off of work half an hour before I do (and lives much closer to our home/further from the Humane Society), and proclaimed that she would drive to see the dog herself after work and I could meet her there to discuss possible adoption.

So I get out of work and, for the second time that day, drive over to see the dog that may or may not become our future pet. I get to the shelter, find my wife, and guess what she tells me?
"They won't let us be with her," she says, a tremble in her voice. Though I do detect sadness in her tone, it is overwhelmed with anger and annoyance.
"What do you mean?" I ask, worried that all this has been for naught.
"She's going to be on Fox news tomorrow, and they won't let anyone near her until they open tomorrow at 2pm."
"So we can't even play with her to see if she's a good fit for us before wasting our time with another trip tomorrow?"
"Right."
"So they're using her to promote adoption, but they won't let anyone genuinely interested in adopting her get close to her?"
"Yeah."
"So they're turning it into a game. They're turning the adoption of a dog in need into a show and a contest."
"Basically."
"I'm calling Fox."

It turned out that the Fox offices were "closed" for the day, and we had to settle for talking to the woman (a volunteer) at the front desk. She explained that, because Henna would be on the news the next morning, there might be people waiting as early as 20 minutes before the place opens to adopt her. She advised that I arrive 30 minutes early to be first.

So I decided to arrive 40 minutes early in case she suggested 30 minutes to anyone else. After arriving 40 minutes early (thanks to an understanding boss who allowed me to take off early for the day and make up the missed time later), I was let into the building by a volunteer, but other people who came after me weren't so lucky. I got to gleefully watch them try the locked door, see that the building was closed, and leave. One mother arrived and stayed early with their kids, and it turned out they wanted to check out Henna as well. Luckily the Humane Society is very strict about their first-come-first-serve policy, so I got to see her, play with her, and adopt her without any of the kids even getting close.

She rode shotgun all the way home.

Henna's Demeanor

Henna is the type of dog who's almost always ready and willing to play (especially with toys that make noise) while also being comfortable with relaxing for a bit instead. She's very polite, friendly, and outgoing.

She's also doesn't respond to any commands, did her "business" inside the house for the first few days (and occasionally still does), and is terrified of getting into vehicles. The Humane Society didn't know anything about her except that she was from Kentucky, so we don't know if she had any training or even if she had an owner. Luckily she's a quick learner, so while my wife and I have had to train her more than we'd expected of a two-year-old dog, we've had to be less vigilant about it than we would have to be for a new puppy.

Here's a video of her madly squeaking a toy:

It's been a few weeks, and she's making progress in her training. We're also working very carefully with her to get her comfortable with riding in cars, which is very important since she'll be taking a five-hour car ride with us when we go vacationing up north in a few weekends. As a bonus, I managed to get my hand on the footage of her on the news from the day we adopted her!

Henna is already providing many more laughs, "awes," and much more love to the Matejka house, and my wife and I are proud to give her a forever home.

-Ryan

Homeownership!

Fantastic news! Today is the last day I'm not a homeowner!

My wife and I will be getting the keys to our first home together tomorrow evening, moving everything in on Saturday, sorting it all out on Sunday, and hopefully enjoying a relaxing day off of work on Monday.

Living in an apartment has been alright, but we've watched way too much HGTV to really enjoy it anymore. Three bedrooms, one and a half bathrooms, a medium-sized kitchen, a dining room, two-car garage, a large yard, and unfinished basement (which we, of course, intend to finish into an awesome den) await us in our new home. What's better is that, though we were willing to purchase something cheaper that could use some updating (so we could customize it to our wants and have a smaller mortgage), this place was not only in our budget, but had been recently "flipped" to include all new kitchen appliances, beautiful refinished original wood floors throughout, and basement walls that won't be shifting anytime soon.

While my wife is all excited about decking out the interior (and exterior, to add "curb appeal" as she puts it), I'm perhaps most excited to start practicing my recent interest in gardening. The biggest thing missing from being apartment-dwellers, after all, has been a yard to take care of, and the idea of little seeds producing edible food is like magic to me! Taking care of a peace lily in our apartment has been surprisingly fun, and I cannot wait to be able to grow even more plants!

Oh yeah, and until we start popping out children, which is a part of the long-term plan that this house gets us one step closer to, I get to have my very own office at home in which to write!

It feels a bit surreal that I'm already married and moving into a house, but I couldn't be more excited! After all, I'm fairly certain that I said I wanted to be "married and living in a house" in the ten-year goal I filled out in 8th grade (ten years ago) - or was it a five-year goal and I've just always been really, really eager?

Maybe I'll start blogging about my garden, or the patio we're going to build ASAP for the combined house warming/anniversary party we plan to throw, or other home-related things!

-Ryan

What is it Like Being Married?

As a newlywed of just over two months, I get asked a certain question quite a bit. Of course, sometimes the question is phrased slightly differently but it's ultimately the same question.

What is it like being married?

To be clear, the individuals asking me this question are not asking in the sense that a child might; blissfully unaware what a life commitment to someone else feels like. For the most part the people asking me are married themselves, and so the question boils down to several completely different questions such as:

• Do you regret getting married?
• Are you happy being married?
• Is it difficult being married?
• What has changed in the relationship?
• Does the relationship feel different than it did before?

The thing is that for my wife and I, marriage is no different than engagement was. We were engaged for three years, lived together for four, and had been together for six. All of the milestones that were expected of a traditional marriage had already been passed.

And isn't that the way it should be? One family friend of mine, after asking us this question and hearing our response, was genuinely surprised. But why should being married be any different than being engaged? Shouldn't we be just as emotionally and physically comfortable and committed to each other as we were the day before we said our vows? Why leave anything a surprise after we had been together and in love for so long? By experiencing everything in a relationship that we could with each other before marriage, we were that much more prepared to be with each other; our fears were settled when our separate lives mixed perfectly together, and when they didn't we worked hard to learn how to make them mix.

• We both like keeping our living space clean and tidy? Perfect!
• We have different preferences for how to spend our free time together? Okay, let's figure out a mutually beneficial compromise to avoid further conflict!

If nothing changed, what's the point?

I don't think I've actually gotten this question, but I'm sure there are some people who may think it, so I will address it thusly:

When I was young and did not understand homosexuality, I asked someone why a man would marry another man, "for the tax breaks, which is why they shouldn't be allowed to" they told me. Could the same be argued for my wife and I? Should we not have been allowed to marry simply because the only thing that changed was that we are now financially and legally responsible for each other? Were we wrong to want to marry simply because nothing in our relationship would change?

To digress for a moment; in my opinion, marriage is such an odd thing for the government to be involved with in the first place; as my wife and I signed up for our marriage license I couldn't help but wonder what business the government had why people got married? Does it really make a difference if they're not man and woman, in love, and living and sleeping in separate bedrooms?

In our case, we married not only for the tax breaks, but also for the symbolic gesture of committing our lives to each other. We have made a loud and clear statement in front of all of our family and friends that we will be monogamous to each other and care and love for each other for as long as we live. We married to celebrate and reaffirm the promises we have made to each other every day. That was the point.

Aren't you missing out on something?

Not even in the slightest. I've got everything I could want out of marriage; a fantastic party I'll remember forever, a ring on my finger, a new perspective on our relationship, and all the legal stuff that comes with it.

Honestly when I consider the relationship I have with my wife and compare it to others that I know, I'd say that I've got it even better than most do. Corey and I are not only husband and wife, but we're best friends. We rarely argue, we never get tired of "hanging out" with each other, we can rely on each other when we need each other the most, we still surprise each other with how in sync our thoughts are at times, and overall we make each other's lives much easier to live and deal with than anyone else.

I've met people who talk about having a "love/hate" relationship with their spouse, people who don't talk to their spouse for hours on end out of spite, and married couples who seem to get along fine but don't show any sign of the "spark" that some don't even believe exists. None of those applies to me. When I think about the relationship I have with my wife, I can easily relate it to the best of marriages that you see in the movies; the ones that are supposed to be works of fiction. Granted we have our share of issues, but the positives so much outweigh the negatives that they seem to not exist at all most of the time.

In short, my wife is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and asking her to marry me was the smartest thing I've ever done.
-Ryan

Wait, what do you mean by "a new perspective on our relationship"?

Sorry, you're right; I didn't explain that. While nothing has physically changed in our routines and lives, I must admit that I feel a bit different since getting married.

I feel like a wolf.

What I mean is that, like a wolf, I have chosen a mate for life and I feel a strong natural urge to protect and care for my pack.

-Ryan

Update September 2, 20141: Since publishing this post it has been brought to my attention that wolves do not always mate for life. I feel like one of the wolves that do.

My Wedding: The Honeymoon

[This post is part 4 of a multi-part series about my wedding. You can read about the rehearsal here, the  morning of the wedding here, and the wedding itself here.]

With the long-awaited wedding over, and after a day to rest and open up our gifts, my wife and I set out to the next step; the honeymoon.

Our original plan when we first talked about going on a honeymoon was to save money by taking a road trip within the continental United States. We assumed it would be fun, inexpensive, and a great way to start our long-term goal of visiting each state together. Maps and tourist guides were bought, hotels were researched, and we were just about to book our stay at one with  the ultimate goal being to end up in North Carolina (which has been a fantasy of Corey's for quite some time partially thanks to Nicholas Sparks books).

Just before booking the hotel, we realized that the whole process was just too stressful, too expensive, and too small. We found ourselves having to calculate distances between towns and gasoline consumption, subtracting hours of fun because of driving time, and not wanting to worry about all of that when the time came.

"Why don't we just find an all-inclusive resort for the same amount of money, spend it all at once, and not worry about that sort of thing for a second during the trip?" I suggested. Corey rolled her eyes at me because this had actually been her original plan. She was always more interested in the idea of sitting on a beach somewhere, but I had said "no" to that idea because I thought it would be too boring.

So what changed my mind? Stress and finances had only dictated that I did not want to go on such an intricate road trip for what was meant to be a fun and romantic honeymoon, but what had made me want to go to a beach?

The winter of 2013 was a long and record-breaking cold one. That's what.

Before long we had decided (with the help of a travel agent suggested by a friend) to go to the Ocean Maya Royale resort in Riviera Maya, Mexico. We chose the location because it is adults-only, smaller, and less expensive than others, so with the money we saved on the location we bumped ourselves up to the "privileged" package.

It was the first time that either of us had been to an all-inclusive resort, as well as the first time either of us had flown on an airplane (which turned out to not be scary except for the scary parts). The resort was beautiful. Not too large, but not too small either. They had multiple restaurants, each with their own theme and menu, and they had multiple activities throughout the day which ended with a show and then dance party at the end of the night.

We signed up for two excursions; ATV ride/tour and a full-day visit that was split between the Tulum ruins and Xel-Ha natural water park.

We purposely scheduled the excursions for the middle of our week-long stay so that we could spend the first and last days relaxing, which included a couple's massage on the first day and a private dinner on the beach on one of the last.

Part of the privileged package included meals at certain restaurants which were closed to everyone else, wine and chocolate-covered strawberries at our room upon arrival, and (our personal favorite) a private section of the beach with comfortable furniture, shade, and an exclusive waiter/waitress for drink orders.

Over the course of that week we each tried things that we'd never done before. We snorkeled with fish (I'm quite scared of fish), tried all sorts of food (why not try it when it's all included?), got the aforementioned couple's massage, and both realized we're quite fond of daiquiris.

So much happened that it's honestly too much to sum up into one blog post. There was a lazy river, a chocolate martini-induced iguana sighting, a lot of Italian food, a finger-painter, a Grease show, more delicious food than I can recall, beautiful blue water, baby deer, a guarded bridge to a beautiful inlet, a waterproof camera, and a lizard on our ceiling.

On our last night (after the lizard), we reconnected with a couple that we'd met on the first day when getting our massage, and ended up staying up late hanging out, talking, and drinking with them until the wee hours of the night rather than turning in early as we had been for the rest of the week. They seemed legitimately bummed that we were leaving the next day, since they were staying for a whole extra week.

Of course, we were even more bummed to be leaving. The honeymoon was more relaxing than anything else either of us had ever experienced before, and we found ourselves making mental lists of all the things we would do should we (hopefully) return. I would highly suggest this type of honeymoon to anyone, as well as the Ocean Maya Royale resort itself.

And yes, we really should return.

-Ryan

My Wedding.

[This post is part 3 of a multi-part series about my wedding. You can read about the rehearsal here, the  morning of the wedding here, and the honeymoon here.]

Above is the last text I sent before my wedding officially began. With my wife-to-be hiding in a shed behind the entrance of the gazebo, my groomsmen and I made our way outside to the wedding space. We were stopped only for a few minutes to give people time to sit down as well as us time to get our boutonnières put on. The nerves had finally started to hit me as the realization started to sink in.

Positioning myself behind the closed gate I was to walk through, I awaited the musical cue. Rather than a traditional wedding ceremony song, we had chosen "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri. In the days and months leading up to the wedding I had expressed concern that the song would come off sounding silly, since it was composed for and used in one of the Twilight movies. It was my feeling that you shouldn't use a song popularized by a movie, because then everyone is just going to be thinking "they picked that song just because they heard it in that movie" rather than admiring the beautiful lyrics or music.

Whether or not someone was thinking that I cannot know, but I know that Twilight was the furthest thing from my mind when the music kicked in and the gates opened. Upon seeing the beautiful space and all the smiling and eager faces of my friends and family, my eyes almost immediately swelled up with tears of joy. I tried my best to keep a smiling face, but my emotions fought me every step of the way. I even whispered to the judge when I had gotten to the front that "I'm already crying."

After the bridesmaids and groomsmen took their positions, Corine emerged from the shed, though she was concealed by the now closed gate. One of the traditions that we had decided to keep for our wedding was that I would not see her wedding dress until the wedding itself. This was much easier said than done, especially since she bought the dress over a year before the wedding. I waited in anticipation; seeing only the white color of the dress through the gate. I couldn't help but wonder what type of dress she had picked, how it looked on her, and if I would be as emotionally impacted by the sight of her as everyone said I would (and should) be.

Of course, I was emotionally impacted by the sight of her. How could I not be? She could have been wearing a bathrobe and sweatpants and it still would have tug at my heart to see my bride walking toward me. She looked absolutely gorgeous in her wedding dress. I was absolutely in tears by the time the ceremony began.

A Brief Overview of the Ceremony:

• The ceremony started out with the judge introducing herself and passing around a small bag with the rings inside of it for the guests to hold and wish good luck upon while the ceremony went on.
• There was then a rose ceremony in which Corine and I each presented a rose to our parents as a symbolic thanks for their unconditional love and support.
• Corine and I then held hands while the judge performed a hand blessing. The original intent of this particular part was for it to be an Irish hand blessing which involves literally tying a knot around our interlocked hands, but there was some miscommunication and a different hand blessing was performed, though I didn't notice or care.
• The expression of intent came next, where the judge asked us each if we would take each other as husband and wife, and we (of course) responded "I will."
• The vows, which we had written ourselves.
• The rings were then collected from the guests for the ring exchange.
• We ended with a sand ceremony, in which we mixed two separate vials of colored sand into a single container to represent the blending of our lives together and that as hard as it would be to separate our individual grains of sand, so too would it be that hard for us to break our loving bond.

The vows in particular were tearjerkers for both she and I. Saying something that comes from the heart and is very personal to your relationship is just so much more meaningful than any pre-written vow could ever be. The personal vows were also, in my mind, symbolic of the effort we were trying to make to make the wedding truly our own. Before our wedding day we had some people express worry that we weren't going to have a "traditional" wedding (traditional wedding song, at a church, etc.), but when it was all said and done we had relatives and friends coming up to us and telling us that it was "the most beautiful wedding I've ever seen."

On a slight sidenote, I think people are so wrapped up in what they think a wedding "should" be that they become closed-minded to the idea that anything else can be as beautiful. The truth is that anything unique to your personality is going to be much more beautiful than a carbon copy of something that's been done thousands of times before. I highly suggest to anybody reading this that they go the extra mile to make their wedding unique and personal. It makes a hell of a difference.

After finishing the ceremony and taking some photos, it was time to make our way to the reception space, which was conveniently halfway to the hotel from the gazebo. We'd rented out the detached pavilion (complete with an open bar) on the property of the hotel.

From then on was visiting with the guests, cutting the cake, dinner (the highlight being a cashew crusted chicken with maple cream sauce), and speeches. Each member of the wedding party gave a speech, including my wife (which I wasn't expecting). Even my older brother, who is generally a very quiet person, gave a speech, which was very meaningful to me that he would even consider standing up and speaking in front of a crowd.

After literally everyone gave a speech except me, a table with some of my family members started chanting my name and asking for me to give a speech as well, so of course I improvised something along the lines of "I don't know what to say except thank you".

Even after all of that was said and done, I was extremely nervous. I had been drinking a little bit to calm my nerves, but I was also being careful to maintain a very low level of drunkenness (almost nonexistent, actually). The reason for this is that our first dance was still to come, and we had been taking lessons for a little over a month in preparation. We didn't have a "routine" per se, but we did have a handful of moves that we would then improvise the order of based on the space of the dance floor and the timing of the music.

Luckily everything went very well. Our song "I'll Be (Acoustic Version)" by Edwin McCain proved to be a good choice, and even though I stepped on Corine's dress two or three times (we hadn't practiced with such a long dress) when I look back at the video footage it's impossible to notice; we played it off like pros.

Immediately after the first dance and father-daughter dance were finished I unbuttoned my vest, went to the bar, and ordered a stronger drink. The rest of the night was an amazing blur of dancing and wild fun with everyone young and old. Even my grandfather, who is in his 80's and was recently in the hospital, got onto the dance floor and had a great time. Honestly when I look back at the photos I can see that everyone had a good time, and I wouldn't have changed a thing.

At the stroke of midnight, my wife and I thanked our DJ (who did an absolutely amazing job playing to the crowd, which was no small feat considering the huge age range) then made our way to our hotel room where we relaxed in the hot tub for half an hour before going to bed, absolutely exhausted from the amazing wedding.

Luckily, the fun didn't stop there. Our week-long honeymoon was yet to come.
-Ryan

My Wedding: The Morning Of

[This post is part 2 of a multi-part series about my wedding. You can read about the rehearsal here, the wedding itself here, and the honeymoon here.]

The above tweet was sent at 6:00 AM on the morning of my wedding. I was actually still asleep when it was sent, as I used a program/website called HootSuite to schedule it to post ahead of time. In reality, I woke up at around 6:45 AM in a hotel room with my best friend/best man, brother/groomsman, and friend/gatekeeper. I was the first to awake, as evidenced by the loud snoring of the gatekeeper that sounded more like it was being produced by an industrial machine rather than a living human, (earlier in the night I'd also heard him speak some gibberish in his sleep).

Too excited to stay put, but too considerate to wake up the others, I snuck out of the room. I glanced at the doors of my wife-to-be's room and that of my in-laws (the governor's suite and base of operations for the weekend) to see that neither was wedged open. Realizing that it was almost time for the continental breakfast, and thinking it might be romantic to bring a treat or two to my love, I wandered down the quiet and mostly empty halls of the hotel toward where I recalled the breakfast being served from a previous stay.

Though it was about five minutes before I expected it to be served, there was no evidence of a breakfast or preparation for one. I later found out that they did not serve their continental breakfast on weekends, but in the meantime I headed back to the rooms, hoping to find someone else awake.

My father-in-law-to-be was in the hallway leaning against a window. He told me that my bride had called him and that she was going to be out of her room any minute now to join him for the continental breakfast.

Joined by a few others, we realized that the continental breakfast wasn't going to happen, and instead made our way to the hotel restaurant to see if we could pick up some coffee and breakfast treats to take back to the room. Instead, all of us ended up eating a sort of pre-breakfast, fully intending to arrive later with more people for the actual breakfast (and eat some kringle we'd brought in the meantime as well).

After everyone else woke up, we had our real, full breakfast, then talked about going to check out the hotel's water park. Unfortunately there was some miscommunication which prevented me from joining the others at the waterpark in time. Admittedly, I got so annoyed that I made a small scene when I finally got to the water park just a few minutes before everyone else decided it was about time to leave, but I lightened up and was able to go down a water slide and enjoy the hot tub.

Next, it was time to get ready. At least for the ladies. Us guys had to vacate our room and find something to do until it was time for us to get ready, since it would be much, much quicker for us to do so.

The hotel provided a complimentary hospitality suite intended to let the bridal party prepare, but since they'd taken over the governor's suite, we decided ahead of time that us guys would use it, until it turned out to be a pathetically worthless room.

Luckily my groomsmen had already picked up the keys to their room for that night, so after using the shower in the complimentary room, we ditched it and instead put our tuxedos in their hotel room. We then discussed what to do with all of our spare time.

Logically, we decided to check out the arcade.

It was fun at first, but the arcade was small and mostly filled with coin-guzzling games that we were too smart to fall for (and probably too mature to play). We grew tired of it pretty quickly (and got two child-sized tiara's for the bridal party with our tickets) and intended to go to the bar for a drink, snack, and good times, but were persuaded to go back to the arcade when we discovered that one of the matrons-of-honor had been holding out on us; she had two coupons for a bunch of free coins for the arcade.

This is where I feel we failed, especially compared to the girls. We made our way back to the arcade, which we were already bored with, simply because we'd run into a bunch of free coins. From the moment we stepped back inside I should have turned back around, since I felt overwhelmed with boredom from the start, but my need to take advantage of what I perceived to be a good deal overwhelmed my better senses, and no one else spoke up. We tried to find fun, and while some was had, it was mostly futile. We ended up trying to figure out which machines would likely give us the most tickets, got them as quickly as possible, then checked out what we could get with them. When our best prize turned out to be a miniature football (about the size of a normal golf ball), we instead decided to give our tickets to the nearest child in the area (with permission from his parents). We then made our way to the room to get dressed.

The girls, on the other hand, had the entire governor's suite to themselves complete with music, snacks, and drinks. From the photos that I've seen, I suspect that they had more laughs and good times than us guys did. We should have went to the bar, or anywhere else but the arcade.

Overall, the morning of the wedding was a bit disappointing for me (considering how upset I got about the miscommunication as well as the poor decision-making on my part). I recall feeling this way in the moment, but not being smart enough to do anything about it, and I still feel this way now.

Luckily, the morning of the wedding was the only part of that day that was sub-par. I'm fortunate enough to be able to say that it's the only part of the day that I wish had gone differently. We even realized the error in not having anything to eat since breakfast, and feebly ate some cold leftover french fries from the night before. I'm sure that will be an interesting story for later, but again, it's kind of a pathetic way of spending my last hours before my wedding.

Luckily, I was mere moments away from the best day of my life.
-Ryan

My Wedding: The Rehearsal

[This post is part 1 of a multi-part series about my wedding. You can read about the morning of the wedding here, the wedding itself here, and the honeymoon here.]

There is just so much to tell about my wedding and honeymoon that I'm going to have to split it up into multiple blog posts in order to do it justice. With this post I will tell you all about the day before the big day.

Friday morning, just after I awoke, I turned to the girl next to me and instinctively held her close. A moment after the haze of morning cleared my head, I had a realization that filled my heart with glee; it was the last day I would spend as a single man. It was the day before the biggest day. Excited, I held her even tighter against me, feeling the warmth of her body mix with mine, and whispered "we're getting married tomorrow."

It was a time to celebrate, even if there was no time to do so. We had breakfast while we watched the news together (to ensure that Saturday would be warm with clear skies), showered, got dressed, then immediately set out on packing for our stay that night at the hotel where we were to be wed. I found packing for that night less complicated than packing for a week-long honeymoon, but a bit more stressful. Thinking ahead for a week while not accidentally packing something I'll need tomorrow I've done before, but packing everything I'll need for my wedding weekend had me worried at every turn that I'd forgotten some vital thing and not be able to send for it when needed.

After calming down enough to complete the packing, there were errands to run such as getting a few snacks and, more importantly, the roses that we would present to our parents during the ceremony. Eagerly I made an announcement on Facebook that there was only one day left and that I would be Tweeting updates throughout the weekend if I found time to do so. Before 1:00pm we were out the door.

The errands went smoothly at first, until we were to meet her parents (and my to-be in-laws) at their house to go to the hotel together. We ran into four different road blocks on our way; construction, a police-blocked intersection, a truck double-parked on a street only wide enough for two cars, and two women standing in the middle of an intersection having a chat (a good way to get run-over, and they stayed in the street after barely moving out of our way).

Somehow we arrived early, which gave me time to eat some lunch and tweet how I felt at the time. There was no panic or fear; I was about to get married to the girl I'd been with for over six years and living with for three, what is there to fear about being married to your best friend?

We all hit the road and headed to the hotel. Check-in time was fast approaching, and we needed all the time we could get to unpack and hopefully be able to set up some of the decorations. Excitement and anticipation hung thick in the air, especially when we saw the governor's suite room that my to-be in-laws were using as a sort of base of operations for the weekend. As should be expected, my bride-to-be was served at bent knee and kept out of the way of anything that might harm her. This included, apparently, her matron of honor wheeling her around on the Bellman Cart we borrowed from the hotel:

Fun was had, but it was time for business. We talked to the wedding planner who informed us that she was so confident in clear skies that we were allowed to set up for our reception in the pavilion right then and there rather than having to try to fit it into the morning of.

The space looked beautiful even with almost none of the decorations up. The hotel staff were nice enough to set up the tables and chairs complete with covers and table runner, as well as the leafy-burlap that hung from the head table where I would eventually sit. Seeing the space was the first time that it really struck me what was going on. I was about to get married!

After putting up as many of the decorations that we could (just about all of which were homemade), it was time to go rehearse and then have dinner.We all went to our separate rooms, and I was faced with the difficult task of picking which of the two ties I had brought to wear that night. Thankfully I was in a room with both my groomsmen and one of our gatekeepers, so I asked their advice, and chose the blue, patterned one over the grey, plain one.

We made our way to the gazebo to quickly practice our moves twice, and again I was struck by the sheer beauty of the space at which we were to be wed. It was even better than I remembered; it was perfect.

And, of course, my bride-to-be looked absolutely stunning in the dress she'd picked just for that night, and it turned out to be a wise decision that I went with the blue tie. We had our families take a handful of photos of us before we made our way to the rehearsal dinner.

When we arrived at the location of our rehearsal dinner (the nice restaurant inside the hotel), we were surprised to find that they'd reserved three large circular tables for us in the conference/ballroom across the hall from the actual restaurant. It was odd, because the three tables (which seated a few more people than we actually brought) were spaced apart. At first we tried to work with it; picking one of the three tables with whomever we preferred to sit with, but it didn't feel right. Here we were; about to celebrate the joining of two families and sitting at separate tables! Luckily the waitresses didn't have a problem with us bringing all three tables together, and the night continued.

My wife-to-be and I thanked everybody for coming then handed out our wedding party's gifts. My best man got a glass beer stein etched with his initials large on one side and "BMF" small on the other (which stands either for "Best Man Forever," or perhaps is a reference to a certain Tarantino movie) with a modest bottle of cider ale. My groomsman (and brother) got a glass coffee mug with his initials etched large on one side and "BRO" small on the other (which stands for, of course, "brother") with a few packets of assorted coffee.

Both of the matrons-of-honor received matching heart-shaped jewelry boxes with a personal message inside, as well as jewelry that my wife-to-be made for them, in addition to a bottle of wine for each.

Not too long after the gifts were done, food came as well. Everything was delicious (though one or two people were disappointed with the fish they ordered), and most people ate their fill with no room for dessert.

We continued the celebration in the governor's suite where we had drinks and snacks with even more wedding guests that had arrived at the hotel. Before I knew it, the date on my phone read "June 14th, 2014" and I knew I would be smart to call it a night. Shortly after midnight, the bridal party went their separate ways; the guys to their room and the girls to theirs, where we slept heavily until the following morning; the morning of the day I was to finally marry the love of my life.

It still hadn't registered in my head what was finally happening, yet I couldn't have been more excited.
-Ryan